The BJH team had the opportunity to speak with renowned shadchan and dating coach, Mrs. Bluma Florans, from Lakewood, NJ. Here are some highlights from our conversations.
BJH: Hello, Mrs. Florans, we are so excited to speak with you about shidduchim. Before we begin, please tell us a little bit about yourself and your Baltimore roots.
Mrs. Bluma Florans: I am originally from South Africa, and now live in Lakewood, NJ. My mother is from Baltimore, and her grandfather, Rabbi Samson, was the principal of T.A. of Baltimore in the 1940s. I’ve been making shidduchim for the last 30 years and encourage everyone to give it a try. My first shidduch was for my roommate in seminary, and it was a transformative experience. I consider it a tremendous zechus to be involved in this work.
BJH: We understand you have extensive experience as both a shadchan and a dating coach. How do you juggle and/or differentiate between the two?
MBF: To be a good and effective dating coach, you must first have had real hands-on shidduch experience, having developed the necessary insight and skills to successfully guide and navigate the dating process. In both roles, the goal is to help singles get married and build their own homes – a mission I’m truly passionate about.
The roles of a dating coach and shadchan definitely overlap. Being a shadchan provides valuable experience, as every shidduch is a learning opportunity. For example, I recently worked on a shidduch for a couple in their 40s. I was in direct contact with both the single man and woman, and they were ready to move forward. However, the mother of this fellow wanted to meet the woman first. After the meeting, the mother felt this wasn’t the right match for her son, and the shidduch ultimately fell apart.
Reflecting on this experience, I realized my mistake: even though the couple was older, I should have touched base with the mother earlier on. In the next similar shidduch I worked on, I reached out to the mother at the start. Later in the process, when the mother had concerns, I was able to reassure her, and the shidduch progressed smoothly. This experience taught me an important lesson – shadchanim are constantly learning and growing.
BJH: For those who are at the early stages of shidduchim, what would you say is the most important point for daters to keep in mind as they begin their journey?
MBF: For new daters, my advice is to go into dates with a positive mindset and bring positive energy. Your goal should be to make the date enjoyable for both of you. Use this time to share about yourself and show genuine interest in the other person’s life and interests. Focus on making the experience pleasant so that the person feels encouraged to go out with you again.
Once the date is over, take the time to evaluate whether you’re compatible, and then decide if you want to continue. But during the date itself, avoid overanalyzing compatibility. Instead, prioritize creating a positive and enjoyable atmosphere.
BJH: For those who have been dating for a number of years, and as the journey often becomes frustrating and challenging, what advice or encouragement would you offer?
MBF: It’s important to give everyone you date a fair chance. Put effort into the date and try your best to make the connection work. If things don’t work out, you can have peace of mind knowing you gave it your all. This approach provides menuchas hanefesh as you continue your journey toward finding the right one.
BJH: In a nutshell, how would you define the primary role of a parent in their child’s dating life?
MBF: Parents play a crucial role in the process. They should encourage their children to do their best, and create a safe and supportive environment, especially if things don’t work out. Feeling understood and unjudged is key for daters who are navigating this process. Parents also must understand that, ultimately, the decision of who to marry is that of their child, and what is most important is that the couple is happy and confident about their decision.
BJH: We understand that The Shidduch Center of Baltimore has brought you to our community a number of times over the past few years for a special annual event to meet single women. How has this impacted your ability to help our daters, especially those who have already been dating for a number of years?
MBF: I’m a big fan of The Shidduch Center of Baltimore, run by the devoted Rabbi Shlomo Goldberger. I have visited the community along with many other shadchanim over the years and believe their model should be adopted by other communities. They genuinely care about their single men and women, and their events are tastefully done, making participants feel valued and supported. Their initiatives keep the daters of Baltimore in the minds of shadchanim throughout the year, fostering ongoing connections through consistent communication and strong relationships.
BJH: Wow, that was fascinating and so enlightening! Thank you so much for your time. We wish you continued hatzlacha, bez’H!
For Baltimore families looking to connect with Mrs. Florans, or any non-local shadchanim who are working together with The Shidduch Center, please be in touch with Rabbi Shlomo Goldberger at shlomo@shidduchcenter.org.
And don’t forget to donate generously to The Shidduch Center’s upcoming CauseMatch Campaign on Dec. 9-10!
